Response to "Spanish Moss"

This story is about three young kids about to go into high school. One of the kids expresses his concern that they don’t do adult things. Upon this revelation the three decide to try marijuana. Tommy, the self proclaimed leader buys a joint that they decide to share in the woods near a creek. The all walk to the creek and attempt to smoke. Only one of the three really gets high. They see a bag across the creek and decide to see if it has money in it. When they open it they find that it’s a child’s body. They never talk about the incident again.

I really enjoy the story’s youthful energy, almost like a stand by me coming of age tale. The story does a good job at capturing the insecurities of the kids.

The point of view is person and it works well because the whole story is one long recollection.

The characters are pretty basic, there is a wanna be leader and a nervous follower then the main character who we don’t know a whole lot about. I think the character should more developed a little more.

The development and pacing in the story is perfect. It never gets boring and unfolds very coherently.

The imagery is very nice in the story. It’s used to describe setting so maybe it could also be used more to describe action.

Dialogue in the story is believable.

The setting is rural south or at least in a neighborhood near a large chunk of woods in the south.

The opening closing are nice to read but by the time the story is done im not quite sure the change in the main character.

Response to "A Dream"

This story is about a stoner, Gabe, who quit or failed out of the Military academy and now studies creative writing at Colombia. The story covers two of his dreams and the day in between. Gabe seems to be struggling with confidence issues as well as weight, hygiene and sloth. He wants to have a real relationship but his only friends share just the minimal connection of formalities and weed. Much of the story is Gabe remembering pain about the past, particularly feeling remorse about an incident with a girl he claimed to have loved.

I really enjoyed the opening scene of the story. The dream sequence was surreal, frightening and did a great job at drawing me into the story. The voice of the narration was also very complex and coherent which made the story interesting throughout.

The point of view for this story is third person mixed with the thought of the main character from time to time. I think the perspective of this story worked very well.

The characters in this story seem boring but it also seems as thought that was the point. The main character, Gabe, has a lot of depth and history. Win does not have much going on and could probably be developed more.

The development and pacing of the story was clear and steady. The story never got too dull or ever outpaced itself.

The dialogue seemed natural but against to backdrop of the narration it seemed very out of place. The narration was poetic and dialogue was bluntly colloquial.

The setting could have had more imagery to support it. The imagery was mostly utilized in action and it did a great job and describing scene it just never really focused on setting.

Overall, the story was incredibly well written and very enjoyable.

Response to Aveux

This is a story about a man who is depressed because his wife committed suicide. All he had at the time was his daughter and his dog. His new girlfriend ended up committing suicide as well. He was even more depressed and was even charged with murder. Eventually the charges were dropped and he was released from jail but his life was still ruined because no one would hire him. Once out of jail he decided to write a book about finding faith even though he had not. He used his publicity from the trial to promote his book and it turned out to be very profitable. His daughter saw through the lie and lost respect for him. Finally after losing his daughters’ respect he decided to move to Paris, something his daughter had always wanted to do.

This story was told in first person and that was very important because for this kind of character it is good to be able to be inside their head.

The wife needs to be characterized better as does the daughter. The character we get the most out of other than the father is the girlfriend who kills herself.

The development of this story is mostly chronological but it also has a flashback and uses summary.  It gets confusing at points partly because of typos and other errors. It is such an interesting plot it just has parts that are not written very coherently.

The imagery is done well in this story. I wish it was used to describe all the setting though.

The dialogue needs work, it seems forced like it is trying to reveal more information than it should. The conversations are all good just the way they are said is inorganic.

I believe that a better since of setting is necessary.

I like the closing and I think the ending was great. I wish the story would have spent more time on the book writing portion but other than that it was a very interesting and enjoyable story.

Response to Dreams and Reality

This story is about a baseball player who wants to play for Mississippi State. He is from Minnesota and when he graduates high school he used his saving against his parents’ wishes and without there knowledge to fly down to Oxford to try out for the baseball team. He ended up feeling guilty and performed poorly so he flew home only to find that his parents had a change of heart and were willing to support him.

                The point of view for this story was third person and I believe it works. A first person take might have added a stronger since of lukes thoughts and it would have been interesting.

                The characters in this story should be more developed. Luke is the main character and the most developed but the father and the best friend should be more complex.

                The plot line is developed nicely but it is a little rushed and it would add to the story if it took place over a longer stint of time.

                The story should employ more imagery to describe setting. The setting changes to a different state and I would like to see that portrayed within the descriptions. That would add a lot to the believability of the story.

                The diologue in this story is brief but it gets to point across.

The events are assembled chronologically and that is the best method for this story. If it was not so rushed the story would seem to be organized much better.

The confusing part about the closing is that Luke already had blown his chance at playing for Mississippi State and was not good enough. SO when his dad bought him tickets to go back it was a little confusing.

Response to Whatever Gods May Be

This story is about a high school teacher and coach who decides to become a preacher. The new position meant that he would be paid less but he believed in his faith and decided the pious life would be a better choice for him. After a few weeks as a preacher he soon found that he was going to be a father. This new discovery caused him to utilize the bible as a parenting guide but what he found caused him to question his faith. After more searching he decided he could not believe in his religion any longer.

                I really enjoyed the narration of this story. It had a great balance of setting description and it shed enough light on the characters thoughts. It was written so well that parts that could have been very boring or dull ended up being easy to read and very coherent.

                The story was written in third person. I think it would have been interesting to see it in first person from the point of view of Thomas but the third person narration was done very well and I think it works just fine.

                The characters in the story were very well developed. I think the wife could have been a little more cultivated but even she was pretty well developed.

                The pacing of the story was at points pretty dull, at least in subject matter. The story itself is an interesting concept, a man who loses his faith. However, the events that took place and the speed in which they happened made it somewhat dull. The story was so well written though that it made up for its moments of dullness.

                The imagery in the story was well created and displayed. The description of people and setting really drew me into what was happening.

                The dialogue is organic, real and also not over used. It made the story have an almost detached feel but in a way that was fitting for the profound religious quandary the main character faced.

                The setting was small town America and it came across as intimate at first then isolating as the character began to question himself and that added a lot to the story.

Response for Casting Shadows

This story is about a young girl who dies in a fire and wakes up in the afterlife. She takes a while to realize she is dead and the people who inhabit the afterlife have to convince her. After she admits her death she is to be trained as a currier of souls and protector but she despises the fact that her destiny was chosen for her and that she could not life a normal life. She eventually finds out that the men who want her to be a soul currier and protector actually killed her in the fire because she had an unusually strong spirit. Upon learning this she runs away and has a showdown with her trainer and she ends up getting wounded and is left adrift on a “lake” in the forest they were fighting in.

What I enjoyed about this story was that it was exciting. So much happened that throughout reading it you were never bored. That being said a lot of the story seemed like genre fiction and bordered on corny and unoriginal several times.

The point of view for this story was first person and I think that that was a smart move. This point of view allows us to get into the head of a dazed spirit that is recently deceased and that is a pretty interesting subject matter to read about.

So much happens in the story but there is not enough time to really get to know the characters as this is happening. There are friendships forged and a betrayal occurring but it is hard to be drawn in when the timeline is so brief.

The development and pacing are rushed and almost confusing. This could be cleared up with making the story cover less of the events currently being described.

The dialogue in this story works and feels organic.

Imagery is utilized but even that seems to be of manga-ish genre conventions.

The setting works but is not described in a coherent enough manner. It seems so interesting but at the same time it is pretty confusing.

Response to Untitled

Untitled is about Andy, a girl who has writers block but needs to finish a story to turn into her professor the following morning. She keeps procrastinating and ends up watching you tube videos and tv all night until two hours before class. Andy finally completes her story a few minutes before class and turns in a story about a girl who couldn’t think of anything to write a story about.

                The premise of the story is interesting when you take in account the context of its creation. It is pretty obvious that the story itself plays off the fact that it was written for a fiction class and even utilizes the authors name as part of the story.

                The point of view is third person and the narrator follows a character named Andy. There is the occasional thought that is understood to belong to the main character mixed in with the third person narration.      

                There are few characters in this story. I think that Andy could be developed farther because I only know that she is a procrastinator. The annoying roommate was developed very nicely.

The story is told with a mixture of summaries and scenes. The balance works well.

The story is dull at parts because it is hard to enjoy someone who has writers block as a character when nothing is happening. But there are also funny parts that make up for any dullness.

There could be more imagery used in untitled. Descriptions of the setting would add a lot to the story.  

The dialogue in the story seemed pretty natural but there is not a lot of it. The reason there is not to many conversations is that there are only two characters so in this case it works.

The story is organized chronologically and there is not confusion on the order of the events. The story builds tension and excitement until it is finally resolved.

The setting is Andy’s apartment and I think it being described more would add to the story.

The opening starts with a description of a blank page and the closing reveals the irony in a story written about what could easily be a real event.        

Response for Secret Park

This story is about three friends who decide to get fit. The narrator who is overweight is the one who really needs a change in lifestyle and his two friends are going to help get him into shape. The three friends have not seen each other often over the years so there workout routine doubles as a bonding experience.  They all run laps around the park until the main character starts to get dizzy. Then one of his friends turns out to have had a reaction of sort and is in shock.

                I enjoyed the premise of this story, old friends trying to improve the narrator’s health by starting a new work out plan in a park they used to play in as kids.            

The narrator for this story is also the main character and I think that works well for this story. The narration keeps it personal.

                There are three characters, the narrator, Sean and James. Sean and James both seem the same and could use some differentiating. The main character is well developed and interesting.

                The story is told in both scenes and summary.  And the most confusing part is the end and could use some explaining to make it clear.

                The pacing of the story is well done. The scenes unfold slowly at first but it’s never too dull. The tension builds throughout the story and the workout and then ends with a catastrophe.

                The dialogue is pretty natural and is implanted often enough to help move the story along.

                The setting is a park but there is a forced importance placed on it. The first part of the story is all about the park. The real story is about the friends and the workout so the park has too much story time and title space.

Response to Once in a Lifetime

This story is about a young girl who belongs to an Indian immigrant family that has achieved the American dream of financial security by moving to Massachusetts. Before moving back to Calcutta there was another Indian family , the Choudurris , living near them. The Choudurris were close family friends after they helped the narrator’s family settle in the United States. The Choudirris left back for India eight years before the story starts and after those eight years the family decides to return to Massachusetts and asks the narrator’s family if they can stay with them until they find their own place. The rest of te story deals with the main character adjusting to a new family invading her house.

                The most impressive part of this story to me was how solid and coherent the author’s control of so many characters was throughout. The story was fairly short yet you have a good since of a world that they all share and not only the immediate characters, two huge cultures of the United States and India.

                The point of view was from the young daughter of the immigrant family and was directed towards the son of the Choudurris family. I think this perspective was fairly interesting and is one you do not see too often.

                The characters are the strongest part of this story. The Indean families are interesting because of their success and refusal to give up their old cultures. No character needs to be flushed out and I don’t think any need more information.

                The story is mostly told in summary and I think some more scenes would be nice for the reader because it gets boring.

                He story’s pacing is slow and steady. The subject matter itself can sometimes be dull but not due to the pacing.

The dialogue was n pretty limited and it would be nice to see more.

The setting is another great aspect of this story, the house in Massachusetts. After it has been described the reader can real feel the tug of war going on between India and United States for the identity of the family.

Response to Meow

This story is about Cyril, a mentally handicapped kid whose only friends are his father, a store owner and a cat. Cyril starts off the story by reading a private journal of one of his neighbors. He gets caught and kicked out of his neighbor’s property. After getting in trouble he goes to Captain D’s for some food. He is friends with the owner, Earl. Cyril and Earl go out back to eat some fish and find Jimmy-cat, a cat Cyril befriended on the streets. The boy finishes his meal and sets of to find the cat so he can feed it. He finally finds the cat back by the Dumpster but is confused by what he sees. It turns out that Jimmy-cat is a girl and had kittens and Cyril and Earl stand around the can and laugh with joy and that’s how it ends.

                I really enjoyed the point of view and voice of this story. Cyril was an interesting character to follow especially being inside his head as much as you are while reading “meow”. Using a mentally handicapped main character was an interesting choice for the story but I think it worked well.

                The first person perspective for this story works really well because the characters mind is so interesting in its limited capacity. The voice seemed believable as well.

                The main character was well developed but he is the only character I have a good feel for. The dad especially should be improved upon. We know nothing about the father except that he no longer has a wife for some reason. Also the owner of the Captain D’s Earl, we know very little about him as well.

                The development of the story was very solid. It starts with an interesting scene with good tension and excitement then it transitions to an exposition to explain the main character. The story has a good balance.

                The dialogue is well done on this story. It is not over used but it is also well placed to add tension for the characters like in the beginning with the girl and at the end with the discovery of the kittens.

                The story opens with excitement and ends with excitements and joy which is appropriate given the nature of the story.

Response to Laurel Kostakis

This story is about a disillusioned young girl who believes she is more popular than the really is. The story is mostly a character sketch about the girl. We learn that she has abandoned her old friends and studious behavior after starting college. Once in college the girl began viewing herself as overly pretty and well loved by everyone. The reality was that everyone for the most part disliked her. The girl changes herself perception after being led on and lied to about a male neighbor joining her for dinner. She calls up her old best friend and starts back towards being her old self.

                I enjoyed the comedic aspect of this story. The writer did a really good job at clueing in the reader to things the main character was oblivious to which kept the story funny throughout.

                The point of view was third person fallowing a main character who was clueless. This was a good choice for the story especially because we were clued in on the main characters thoughts by the little thought bubbles that were frequently given to us.

                This story had good characterization for its main characters. The reader could learn a lot about the main character just by her reactions to the people around her and her observations. The story never straight up told us she was disliked but it was easy to earn that information as the reader. The only problem is the main character is not very likeable.

                The story’s development was slow and steady, adding more and more pressure to the disillusioned girl until she finally broke down and decided to change.

                The pacing of the story was well done because it starts with enough action to keep you interested and then goes through a lot of background exposition that added to the character then back to more action.

                This story lacks imagery and I think the story would be greatly improved if the setting was described in a more poetic manner.

                The dialogue in this story is fairly limited but that works for this story. This story is all about being stuck inside the main characters head so the dialogue is less necessary. The main characters reaction to things is what really makes this story work.

                The story opens with action and ends with a slightly abrupt change of the character. The change is important and it could work well as long as it doesn’t come so abruptly. But other than that it was a fun story.

Response to Rhamah Norris

This story is about a cat pound and one worker who came to nearly resent the place for its smells and tedious required chores. At the pound there is a cat name Lily that had always been a good, well trained and acclimated to house life. The only problem with Lily is that she was missing an eye. A family walks through the pound and is clearly disgusted but eventually a young boy agrees that Lily is perfect. The cat then scratches the boy and he changes his mind.

I really enjoy the narrator’s voice in this story. It is relaxed and relatable allowing the reader to get drawn in to the story. The narrator is the type of person that is always making observations about the world, almost like she is people watching.

                The point of view is first person from the main character whose works at the animal shelter. This perspective definitely adds to the story because it is more personable.

                I enjoyed the characters in this story, especially the cat lady. She is a stereotype but that cliché works well for some reason because I have personally known cat ladies. The fact that she is referred to as the cat lady is a very comedic aspect of the story. The little boy in the end of the story could use some more characterization.

                The development of the story was a little weak, there was not much of a plot and the action seemed to mean very little to the story. I would suggest having more meaningful events occur during the span of the story.

                The pacing was well done but like a said the events were a little weak. The change in the end never really occurred for the main character and I was left wondering what the story had really been about.

                The imagery in this story was great. Describing the bags as “belching out “when they were thrown to the floor was a perfect image.

                Dialogue in this story was fairly limited but was natural and felt real.

                The structure was well put together but again more needs to happen in the story in order to make it feel more like a story.

                The opening was a good start for this story but the closing never brought around change or any conclusions 

Response to Incarnations of Burned Children

This story is about a man who hears a scream and runs into his kitchen to find that his baby has been burned by boiling hot water somehow spilt on the baby. The mother is screaming in shock when the father goes to work trying to save their child. After sometime the baby still seemed to be hysterical and the parents couldn’t see why, until they realized the diaper was holding a pool of hot water, by then the damage was too complete. The father seems to have anger brewing towards the mother that is never shown but it implied that after the incident he confronts the woman about her carelessness.

                I really enjoyed that the story was so enthralling. The story really utilized tension and made me want to keep reading. I think the pacing was perfect, you start reading and for three pages the action and exposition are balanced so you can be in the story and still know some extra information like how the father will later voice his angry thoughts after a few hours.

                The point of view is third person. I think the third person view that follows the father is interesting. It could have been first person and the story would still work but the third person perspective makes it have a certain disconnected feel that is extremely unique.

                There is no dialogue In this story and that makes it difficult to have the characterization understood by the reader. You can gather that parents care about the child but still somehow let this accident happen. Neither one of were able to realize the diaper was full hot water. This story does not really need characterization, the facelessness of the characters works.

                The story has great pacing and is action filled for the entire three pages.

                The imagery is one of the aspects that make this story so great. The description of scene is was creates such a strong attention grabbing story. Specifically the descriptions of the baby cause the reader to feel drawn into the story.

                

Response to Animals

               This story is about a young man who falls for a girl. The main character is a man who thinks he is dangerous because he robs department stores and the story describes one incident where he steals a jacket from a store in Italy. The girls he falls for is an innocent girl and he is attracted to her purity. He first believes he is attracted the instinctual essence of the girl that he compares to his own bust as the story comes to a close and she becomes “bad” he realizes without her purity he no longer feels the same attraction. The main character turns good” for a while in the story, he stops drinking and smoking. But after some time the main characters sister dies so he falls back into his old habits. The girl then stole a pair of earrings signifying her change into a bad girl.

                I liked the main characters voice. I thought it was really honest and enthusiastic about everything that had been happening. I also enjoyed the language and phrasing.

                The point of view was first person from the main character and it was a very informal relaxed prose voice.

                There were two main characters, the boy and girl. I think the boy gets enough coverage because he is the narrator but not a whole lot is known about the girl. I would like to see some background about Jenny. I would also like to see some more background on the family of the main character.

                The story develops slowly because most of the story is just thought and flashback. I think if there were more of an actual chronological story line added into what already is there it would be more enjoyable to the reader.

                There is some really nice language in this story but as a reader I wish there were more descriptions of place.

                 There was not a lot of dialogue in the story and I think it would be a good Idea to add some.

                The setting bounces around but with a few more sentences devoted to description of  place it could be clarified.

                The opening sets the stage for who the main character is by describing what he does and the closing hints at a change now that the purity in Jenny is gone.

Response to “Losing Sincerity”

Losing sincerity is a story about a young man who was recently promoted to a managerial position at a venue. As well as his new responsibilities h also has a new girlfriend who works under him. A sorority function was booked at the venue and most of the story is about the main character attempting to handle the hordes of people dressed in a Woodstock theme. After ungrateful employees complain and the party gets out of hand the main character is forced to shut the party down.

                I enjoyed the fact that this story’s main character had such a strong voice. I also thought it was a good attempt at tension having a girl friend who works for him.

                The point of view is first person and I think it works very well in this story because of the stressful nature of the story it’s nice to be inside the main character’s head.

                The main character has an interesting voice but we don’t know much about him. All the other characters could use some work as well, most of them seem pretty one dimensional and almost clichéd.

                The development of the story is fairly solid. There are not really any confusing parts that need clarifying but I think some more time spent on the early and middle stages of the actually party would help the story to not seem quite as rushed.

                The story is not dull or slow it just has points where the action is all within the narrator’s head and I think it works well for this kind of story.

                The imagery in this story is sometimes really nice it just is not consistent throughout the entire time.

                The dialogue is necessary for this story but because some of the characters seem a little one dimensional the dialogue sometimes feels forced.

                The structure of this story is chronological and at no point is it confusing or hard to understand.

                The setting is a venue most likely in a college town. The venue itself could use more description

                The opening was a good use of exposition to set the back drop of the story. The closing finished up the plot and resolved the girlfriend issues but there was no significant change in the main character.

Response to “For the Love of the Game”

This is a story about a girl who grew up without her father. Her father is a famous baseball player who chose a career over being a dad to his daughter. The story starts off with a description of the player, Joel Jones. Then it shows the daughter watching an old vhc recording of her dad as a college player back at MSU. The main character gets the idea to go see her father but because her mother does not want her to the daughter sneaks to a game. As it turns out the mother knew this was happening and called ahead and the father never smoke to the daughter. Instead he left a note saying he looked forward to meeting her and her mother together.

                I like the story’s plot it is intriguing. At first upon reading the title you think it might be another sappy sports story but because it turns out not to be I really enjoyed it.

                The point of view is first person which I think is the only way to do this story because of its personal nature.

                The characters I thought were pretty well thought out. The main character did not resent her father but just had a strong interest to meet him and I think that makes her different to how most people would react to not having a father.

                The development of the story is chronological with a semi flash back to a base ball game, although in reality it’s just the main character watching a video. I really like the move of having the daughter watching the tape.

                The story is not slow and has a good balance of action and exposition.

                The imagery is great in some scenes, like referring to the baseball as old and bruised

                The structure was pretty straightforward and chronological.

                The setting was Chicago and it changes from a house to a stadium.

                The opening provides the vital backdrop for understanding to relationship between the daughter and father and just how important meeting is to her.

                The closing has an implied change derived from the too meeting in the near future.

Response to The Grind

This story was about an aspiring writer who goes to New York with the hope of writing for a well established TV show. He has an interview and he makes it through the first round and is invited back the next day only to find that many other people have as well. During the second day he hears all the jokes being told and he finds himself disgusted with the style of humor. He considers himself to be an artist and thinks that the jokes are crude and corporate, not aligned with his own artistic ambitions. He decides to leave and stands up, proclaims his distaste and walks out.

                I like the way this story developed the main character as an ambitious kid ready to go straight to the top, I think the story captures that very well. I also thought the scene while the main character was waiting for his first interview was good because it described his competition in a unique way.

                This story was told in first person, which I believe works quite well because you can get into the narrators mind.

                The main character is the only character that really shows any development, so I think if some other character could be brought in more it could add to the story.

                The story starts off interesting because you have a sense of a young kid going to New York to chase his dreams. Even thought there is not a whole lot of action you still feel drawn into the story.

                The pacing is even throughout the story and it really builds at the end when he is finally fed up and decides to leave. 

                The dialogue is good but I wish there were more of it utilized in the story.

                The opening really draws you I because the main character is likeable and you are curious to see if he can make his ambitious dreams come true.

                The closing is satisfied because it shows real change in the character. He decides to stick to his principles. The very end was slightly confusing to me, I’m not sure if what the main character said made the interviewers laugh. I thought that might have been the direction the author was trying to go and if so it needs to be clarified.

Response to Over the Counter

This story was about a man who worked at a pharmacy and had financial problems. His house was going to be seized from him and the stress was piling up as he worried about his young children. One day he was approached by an acquaintance who suggested that he sell drugs illegally. He goes to work and ends up stealing several pills with the intentions of selling them on the street for a good profit, even though he has never broken the law.  The story ends with him having the pills in his pocket silently doing the math, trying to figure out how much he could make.

I think this story does a really good job at creating a character that really does seem desperate and needs a way out. I think the story also had very effective tension in the scene where the main character stole the drugs.

The story was told in first person and I think that works well in this story but also third person would be interesting as well. Third person would be useful for getting in the heads of the other characters which would be interesting because they are all involved in the drug scheme in one way or another. I would like to see what the people think when they find out they were stolen from.

The story stats off strong with the realization that bills are piling up and something needs to happen soon or the narrator will lose his house and not be able to provide for his children.

The pacing is quick and there are few points in the story where I was bored. The story started building good tension once the guy who was “just around” started trying to convince the narrator to sell some drugs on the street.

The dialogue is real especially when the main characters friend tries to convince him to sell drugs.

The opening does a great job at setting up a story about a man on his last leg. The closing also is great because the man has the solution to his problem right in his pocket even though we don’t know if he will use it because it might create even worse problems.

Response to Adam Smith

This story is about a young girl who gets adopted and goes to live with an over protective widow who thinks the world is out to get her. The young girl named Margaret is soon finding herself bored and sneaks out one night only to witness an assault by her the only boy she knows. She then runs home most likely scarred for life.

I like how this story develops the relationship between the milkman and the main character as a sort of forbidden love.

                The point of view was third person and it worked quite well for this story. The point of view allowed you to see from a well rounded perspective that helped give light to all the characters even though the story mainly followed Margaret.

                The two main characters of Lucy and Margaret were both interesting however they also seemed very typical, especially Lucy. As the overly cautious mother who doesn’t trust the world she seems to fill the niche that is often seen in stories.

                This story does a pretty good job at developing; it starts at an orphanage and continues chronologically. The story ends with a lot of excitement.

                The story is well paced starting off somewhat slow but ending with a very fast and interesting turn that makes the piece worth reading.

The story could use just a little more imagery. The descriptions of setting are not quite enough to give me a sense of place for the story. We know it takes place in London but the only place that has really good imagery is the flat that Lucy lives in.

This story is very lacking in dialogue partly because there are so few characters. I think the story would do well to have a few more shown conversation.

The setting is mid 20^th century London and it fits the story perfectly. The post war sentiment is shown and the frightened widow believes the world is full of “wolves”.

The opening is a good context setting section for the story. We learn the characters and the location. 

Response to Holes full of Dirt

Response to Holes full of dirt

This story is about a young man who is in high school and wants to impress a girl Ashlyn who is over a year older than he is. Because she is older she usually gives him a ride home from school. One day she pulls up to his driveway  and upon finding the road full of holes she remarks about how she might not be able to give him rides if she can’t take her car on the road. The boy decides to try and fix the rode but ends up crashing his father’s truck but his father is not mad and the son reflects of the kindness of his father as the story ends.        

I enjoyed that the story was a coming of age tale and I think it captured that point in life very well. I also think the dialogue fit very smoothly. I think that Ashlyn needs to be brought back into the story before it ends and some more back-story on the father should be shown. Also there should be some more imagery as in setting description.

The point of view for this story was first person which I believe worked very well because you could get inside the head of the main character as he experienced these very thoughtful aspects of his high school life.

The main character is a kid is well developed because you can hear his inner thoughts but I think the dad and Ashlyn need to be developed even more than they are.

The story is developed very well and I am not left with any questions about what had happened.

The imagery could be increased for a better sense of place and to describe Ashlyn who is supposedly beautiful but is not described with enough imagery.

There is some really good dialogue in this piece. When Ashlyn is talking about what she is going to do during the weekend. You learn she is likes base ball and possibly a guy named drew and that she does not want the main character to join her

The opening starts the story well but the closing ends it a little abruptly.

Response to Deception

This story is about an elderly couple who seem to be going through some minor money problems. The wife starts to believe the husband is cheating on her and her suspicion are confirmed when she finds him in her room with the intent of killing her. The husband kills an intruder instead but not before the intruders shoots him, they both end up dying.

This story did a great job at building suspense and contained a lot of action which helped keep me interest while I was reading it. I also enjoyed the plot line. I thought it was really interesting and fun to read. I also like the last line “Thanks, my husband bought them for me”.

I think there should be more of a hint that there is marital trouble earlier in the story. The arguments seem a different caliber earlier in the story than would be if a man were to be willing to kill his wife. The husband seems to be a genuine man, so maybe show a bad streak he has always had before giving him the gun to kill his wife.

The point of view was third person and I believe it worked well for the story. I think that a first person point of view from the wife’s perspective could help increase the tension and feeling of excitement during the scene where someone broke into her house.

The characters are very interesting because there are not typical. The two main characters are old, grandparents, which makes an affair story interesting. I do wish that the husband’s character could be developed more, especially in the context of his cheating and almost murdering life.

The story line was easy to follow. I think the plot can stay as is the only problem with believability to me in the characters.

The pacing of the story works well. It starts out slow to give information and arcs into a very exciting finish.

The setting was well described at some points but not consistently. It would have been better to draw the reader in with setting description within the house and on the walk.

The closing was pretty funny and it did a good job at bringing the story back around and breaking up the seriousness that had just occurred.

Response to Off

This story was about a woman at a party. She was attempting to kiss a redhead a bond and a black haired man over the course of the night. The blond haired man she chooses happens to be an ex boyfriend which causes some emotional trouble for her. The woman is a rich heiress who does not have to work and she is an artist who donates her money to universities.  During the party the woman successfully kissed the redhead and her ex but could not accomplish the goal of kissing the black haired man. She ends up stealing everyone’s coats and hides in a closet in an attempt to lure the black haired guy to her.

                This story was interesting because the point of view seemed to follow the events in real time, the woman would describe things in present tense and that makes the reader feel like the events are occurring as you read them. The narrator’s voce is very personal and you have great insight into the main characters mind because you hear her thoughts. I think that works for the story because you can gather so much from the woman own thoughts about herself and everyone’s actions at the party.

                Another interesting thing that this story does is as the night goes on it feels like the narrator gets drunk. She starts to only give flashes of what is going on so you can tell that she is drunk , which is an interesting technique and it too allows you to get into the narrators mind.

                Overall the story was interesting and the characters complex. The main woman was a rich girl who got bored and wanted to play games with everyone. The ex boyfriends was a nice guy who allowed her to walk all over him.

Response to the Love of my life

               This story is about a young couple in high school and the early part of college. The two fall in love and spend most of their time together; the author describes their happiness for the first part of the story. The couple goes camping and has unprotected sex. The girl becomes pregnant but does not want anyone to know so they keep it a secret, they even have the baby in secret. They discard the unwanted baby in a dumpster and get caught by the police shortly after. Both kids have ivy league futures but that is now ruined and they face criminal charges and national humiliation.

                The story had a great tension and suspense; it brought the reader down to the level of the young lovers. By the end of the story you felt as though you were the one who had a ruined life. The author was able to do this with very little back and forth dialogue.  Most of the story was narration and description. The narration was very forceful and confident like the description of the young man being woken from his dream “ He was at the pinnacle of his dream, the river dressed in its currents , the deep hole under the cut bank, and fish like silver bullets swarming to his bait”. That line is also great because it alludes to the fact that he likes to camp and that is when the couple started the whole mess they now found themselves in. The story brings back in the element of camping and ideal living as their lives are being ruined.

                Another interesting part of this story is the title. The love of my life automatically makes the reader see something positive or sweet. The fact that the story is about a dumpster baby ends up catching you off guard. But you are slowly built up to that point and that is what causes the tension and suspense.

Response to Lessons

               This story was about a young man riding a train in Italy. He meets an elderly man who strikes up a conversation. The old man seems to want to talk with the young man and begins discuss life and the lessons he has learned over time. By the end of the story we find out the old man was a pick pocket and the young man had realized this in time and switched wallets with the old man surprising the readers with a level of awareness unknown throughout the first part of story.

                The story is told with a third person narrator and we as the readers a purposefully mislead in order to cultivate a surprise ending.

                The old man and young main character were the two most important players in the story. I believe the old man’s character was very interesting and could be built up more. The young man seemed to be more stereotypical because he was sharp, witty and always aware. The main character could be more interesting if we learned more about him and can see beyond the only really aspect described in the story, his confidence and capability.

                One of the best things this story has going for it is the development and pacing. The plot moves along at a speed that keeps the reader interested.

                The imagery in this story is at times very nice and interesting but also at time can be overdone slightly too much to where it distract from the action.

                The dialogue in the story flows nicely, especially knowing there might be a language barrier.

                The plot is organized chronologically as events play out. It is not confusing to follow what is happening and at the end there is a slight explanatory exposition to clarify what had been happening on the train.

                The setting is a moving train and I believe it could have been described slightly more. The subtle movements of the characters were sometimes over described and the setting was almost neglected. The setting was a great choice though.

                Both the opening and closing fit the story perfectly.

Response to New Coach

This story is about a cheer leader who just recently got a new coach. The new coach was very difficult to deal with because of his strict attitude. It starts to show that the coach goes beyond being strict he begins to act rude and insulting to the people on the squad. The narrator is practicing one day when she was too tired to complete the full she was supposed to when the coach forced her to attempt it anyway. As she tried the rick she landed poorly and hurt her knee. She needed to stay on the team but she was injured so the coach yelled her while she recovered. Before she recovered the coach tried to make her do another tumbling pass but the narrator was finally fed up and she left.

                This story was intended to show how passion can end up making people do things they don’t want to do.

                I think this story does a good job at getting into the head of the narrator. She also seems like a believable character.

                I would like to see a first person version of this story; I think it is the best way to get into the mind of the main character.

                I think the characters are all pretty important because there are so few of them. I also believe that the coach should be elaborated on as a character.

                I think the scene with the two cheerleaders talking about the coach could be left out, it does not really add to the story.

                The story never gets too dull. The pacing is balanced very well between exciting action parts and expository thoughts.

                I think this story has a lack of imagery and describing the scene in a more interesting manner could really add something for the reader.

                I thought most of the dialogue was natural except for the two cheer leaders speculating on their new coach. I thought the speech given by the coach felt very real.

                The setting was not described well enough I think. The gym should have been described in order to bring the readers in.

                The opening scene should have been shown to us instead of just explained through the main characters feelings. 

Response to mountain blood

This story is about a guy, Chad, whose girlfriend was attacked and then later died from her injuries. Chad works in the mountains at a camp and was planning on going on an adventurous night with his friend but he lost the ring that belonged to his deceased girlfriend and hat loss made him think about her and we learn that he has been suffering for a while. Chad’s friend ends up staying in and comforting him instead of going out to enjoy the night, the fact his friend stays with him ends up giving him much satisfaction.

                I thought this story did a really good job at evoking the intensity that I believe it was aiming for. The setting could have been described a little more but I really like the choice to have it in the mountains because it goes with the whole mood.

                I think the story should stay in first person, it makes the most sense in this kind of story.

                I would like to see more about the murderer and more of Julia. Chad’s girlfriend is so important to the story so I think we would benefit from learning a little more about her.

                The story is told in part by memories and in part by dialogue. Sometimes the information brought out by the dialogue can seemed forced. I think that the initial story of the girl being attacked and killed would be a better event to follow than her boyfriend thinking about her and losing her ring after the fact.

                The pacing of the story works very well. It starts of intense and balances back and forth for the whole length.

                The setting is in the mountains. I wish the setting would be elaborated on some because it has so much potential to add a lot to the story.

                The opening of the story puts you in the setting and shortly after drawls you in with the intense description of a crime scene.

                There is conflict in this story. The narrator has been trying to get over and move on after his girlfriend was murdered. 

Response to Jeremy Hare's “Dreams”

“Dreams” is a story about a girl who finds a boy sitting down in a karate club after it had closed for the night. The girl, Hikari, confronts the boy, Sora, and asks him why he is laying on the floor of the gym. Sora proceeds to explain himself. He had been bullied and the leader of the karate club had saved him and then agreed to teach him karate only after Sora could defeat the leader himself. The catch 22 had caused Sora to be brutally beaten every day and he was recovering from one of his beatings. The next morning Sora returned and once again fought the leader.

                I really enjoyed the mystery in this story. The slow build in the first part of the story added good and effective tension.  The dialogue seemed natural and for the most part believable within the context.

                This story is written with a third person narrator. The dialogue takes up much of the story as well. I think the third person view works but it would also be interesting to see this story from a first person perspective in order to get inside the head of the characters.

                The characters in the story seem to be interesting but I would like to see a little more about Hikari, not through exposition but with some other method.

                This story is told in one scene using dialogue to fill in the rest. This could work fine but I would also like to see a little more movement with the scene to break up the dialogue.

                The story could use more scene and character description. There is not enough imagery within the narrator’s description or the dialogue.

                The structure is basic but works very well.

                The setting is understood to be a karate club of some sort but some detail on its appearance would bring me inside the story more.

                The opening does allude to a back story with Hikari but not quite enough. The title does not do the story justice and should be played with to be less generic.

                The closing works for the story logically but does not introduce any level of change in the characters.

Response to 1-900

1-900 is a story about John, a man who is in a failed marriage in the process of separation. He calls a 1- 900 number and keeps insisting that instead of talking about sex he and the operator first get to know each other to make it seem more realistic. She is resistant to the idea claiming in is unconventional and makes her feel uncomfortable. Finally she opens up slightly and after cannot perform her job in a convincing manner so she hangs up.

                This short story is almost completely dialog. That is interesting because using only a conversation you are able to learn so much about the characters and setting. The story does not have a typical arch, the timeline is actually just taken up by the phone conversation, and however, you are left feeling like something happened. The whole story is almost a character sketch of John.

              Another interesting part of this piece was when John kept telling the phone operator he loved her. It was a momentary role reversal where he was trying to provide her the illusion she wanted. This makes the reasons for calling the hot line even more confused. Throughout the story it is hard to find why John would have called in the first place. I think that information is left out on purpose and bounces back and forth from having him seem normal and functional to having him seem depressed and strange.

                Overall this short was very strange for me to read, I have never read anything like it. I did find the dialog worked very well and the premise may have added to the interest for the reader.

Response to Emergency

This story was about two drug using and abusing hospital staff members who spend time together under the influence of unknown pills stolen from the hospital they both work in. Also the story chronicles a misadventure of a road trip they take to a fair. The first part of the story is starts off with the narrator being sober. While sober he seems to depict Georgie as a crazy person. The initial story line is about a knife wound patient who is treated by the lowly and high Georgie.  This piece uses excellent prose and the dialogue flows very effectively.  

                I’m not sure why the author utilized light font to break up the work but the piece is broken up into parts using that technique. I thought that aspect of the organization accomplished very little.

                Throughout the peace the narrator talks about Georgie more than himself. Georgie is portrayed as somewhat of a burn out and we can derive from that the narrator is as well because he associates so closely with him.

                The way the author describes everything is so fascinating and keeps me interested as a reader. He talks about the pills tasting the way urine smells. That imagery is amazingly thought provoking and disgusting.  He also uses very strong verbs to describe various actions “The talk just dropped off a cliff” that line really makes you understand how quickly the conversation ended.  The whole story is full of unique lines like this.

                Later on in the story the author discusses the rabbit incident and after finishing the whole story he admits he might be remembering it wrong. That is so significant because it shows that to him recollection is not that important or at least the details aren’t. This could be derived from his drug use or maybe it is a philosophical axiom he holds on to. What are important, however, are the concepts derived from the memory. The insignificance of memory and time is again shown in this line “The bunnies weren’t a problem yet, or they’d already been a problem and were already forgotten, and there was nothing on my mind.” The time line and possibly even the truth are not held as the most important aspects of his memory which is very telling.

                One more concept I found interesting was about the snow covered flowers at the drive in movie. The author describes the scene using the snow which usually obscures things as a revealing agent which I found interesting.

The story was an fascinating “a day in the life” piece and I think the voice was unique and honest which helped keep it interesting and worthy of reading.

The Shiny Deity

 Let me preface all my thoughts by first saying I do not prescribe to the concept of God most people do. However, the idea that a god could create itself out of the fodder of the universe is a leap I am willing to make.

I was on the beach where I grew up, right next to where N.A.S.A launches its shuttles. It was a January night and I was feeling very spread thin so I decided to go by myself into the ocean. I believe that being cold is very important, it is a backdrop for the sensation of comfort after you warm up, and it also forces you to face the discomfort before. I jumped in and swam around the dark water for a while then got out and started walking. The cloud covered moon shined down as always for its small but captive audience who consisted of me, all the ghost crabs, feral cats and anything else that was out. I walked by the houses lining the dunes and from a distance could see the flashes of blue barely escaping the windows. I started thinking about all those gaped mouths and gazed eyes who actually thought they were on the receiving end of that transaction. They were busy with their distractions but If they knew I was out there they would have felt uneasy. Most people out as late as I was did not go out there just to explore a place where night still existed. But I was not hurting anyone, and of course neither were the people hiding behind the blue flashes. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s just about what is, the tendencies of the universe which have allowed a certain entity to snow ball its self assembly, using the fodder that surrounds it.   

  Being stuck in one town fulfilling my obligations to myself and parents by earning a college degree I too own a TV.  My TV is always waiting for me to sit down so it can watch me. I think the only reason it watches me is because I help it grow, it lures me in there by promising something shiny, if I bite then it slowly starts to siphon away my mind. I’m not entirely sure what it does with the parts it gets but I know that it usually takes a decent amount. I believe it uses the stolen brain real estate to feed itself. It sets up shop right in my head and I go out and interact with everyone else in a delicately composed orchestra in the aim to make it stronger. Everyone else is right there with me, helping me, we work together to feed the shiny deity.

Response to Television

My general impression of this story is that the narrator is someone who has resigned to the idea that the enjoyment of life is more real or at least more enjoyable when delivered from a distance to their television. At the same time however, it is acknowledged that the enjoyment brought from the television is simply a means of passing the time. “It is not what you want to be doing. It is that you are passing the time.” This leads me to believe that maybe the life style lead by the narrator or possibly life in the modern world as a whole is boring, or more accurately, it cannot keep pace with the easily digestible and exciting world of television.  One other function the television serves is that of a simplifier. The television goes beyond enjoyment and turns into a therapy for the narrator whose life is said to be very complicated at some points “it has by then become so complicated”. She claims that while comparing her life to a movie. She desires the T.V as a drug to escape to complexities of reality to another reality which is controlled by other people and creates a montage of the important aspects of stories. To her, actuality has too many complex and boring doldrums in between the action.

                The writing uses a voice that’s seems to be aimed at no one in particular. It would be hard for to guess who is being addressed and for what reason. It is almost like she is addressing herself for the point of self clarification. But at the same time it is written in a way that is enjoyable to read. The use of repetition keeps my mind going in circles around her point while she delivers it. “They say it will be exciting and it always is. They give us hints of what is to come and then it comes and it is exciting.” It seems plain but the repetitive simplicity adds a sense of sincerity to the story.

 I felt that the way each show being watched was described by plot instead of name was a great way to put the reader into the mind of the television viewer. I will be trying to utilize that level of detail as I write in the future.  In the story other descriptions transcend details and go for interesting imagery such as when the narrator describes herself in this way “I sit back like the mother with a sharp gave, my mouth full of gold”.

Overall the story was hitting on an aspect of life most people know in this modern world, the draw of television in contrast to the life of ninety nine percent of the people alive. The language was simple and repetitive but intentionally so. The level of description used in the story was adequate for bringing me into the mind of the narrator and feel the sense of monotony and tame excitement that was derived from the television on a clearly day to day bases.