Response to The Grind

This story was about an aspiring writer who goes to New York with the hope of writing for a well established TV show. He has an interview and he makes it through the first round and is invited back the next day only to find that many other people have as well. During the second day he hears all the jokes being told and he finds himself disgusted with the style of humor. He considers himself to be an artist and thinks that the jokes are crude and corporate, not aligned with his own artistic ambitions. He decides to leave and stands up, proclaims his distaste and walks out.

                I like the way this story developed the main character as an ambitious kid ready to go straight to the top, I think the story captures that very well. I also thought the scene while the main character was waiting for his first interview was good because it described his competition in a unique way.

                This story was told in first person, which I believe works quite well because you can get into the narrators mind.

                The main character is the only character that really shows any development, so I think if some other character could be brought in more it could add to the story.

                The story starts off interesting because you have a sense of a young kid going to New York to chase his dreams. Even thought there is not a whole lot of action you still feel drawn into the story.

                The pacing is even throughout the story and it really builds at the end when he is finally fed up and decides to leave. 

                The dialogue is good but I wish there were more of it utilized in the story.

                The opening really draws you I because the main character is likeable and you are curious to see if he can make his ambitious dreams come true.

                The closing is satisfied because it shows real change in the character. He decides to stick to his principles. The very end was slightly confusing to me, I’m not sure if what the main character said made the interviewers laugh. I thought that might have been the direction the author was trying to go and if so it needs to be clarified.

Response to Over the Counter

This story was about a man who worked at a pharmacy and had financial problems. His house was going to be seized from him and the stress was piling up as he worried about his young children. One day he was approached by an acquaintance who suggested that he sell drugs illegally. He goes to work and ends up stealing several pills with the intentions of selling them on the street for a good profit, even though he has never broken the law.  The story ends with him having the pills in his pocket silently doing the math, trying to figure out how much he could make.

I think this story does a really good job at creating a character that really does seem desperate and needs a way out. I think the story also had very effective tension in the scene where the main character stole the drugs.

The story was told in first person and I think that works well in this story but also third person would be interesting as well. Third person would be useful for getting in the heads of the other characters which would be interesting because they are all involved in the drug scheme in one way or another. I would like to see what the people think when they find out they were stolen from.

The story stats off strong with the realization that bills are piling up and something needs to happen soon or the narrator will lose his house and not be able to provide for his children.

The pacing is quick and there are few points in the story where I was bored. The story started building good tension once the guy who was “just around” started trying to convince the narrator to sell some drugs on the street.

The dialogue is real especially when the main characters friend tries to convince him to sell drugs.

The opening does a great job at setting up a story about a man on his last leg. The closing also is great because the man has the solution to his problem right in his pocket even though we don’t know if he will use it because it might create even worse problems.

Response to Adam Smith

This story is about a young girl who gets adopted and goes to live with an over protective widow who thinks the world is out to get her. The young girl named Margaret is soon finding herself bored and sneaks out one night only to witness an assault by her the only boy she knows. She then runs home most likely scarred for life.

I like how this story develops the relationship between the milkman and the main character as a sort of forbidden love.

                The point of view was third person and it worked quite well for this story. The point of view allowed you to see from a well rounded perspective that helped give light to all the characters even though the story mainly followed Margaret.

                The two main characters of Lucy and Margaret were both interesting however they also seemed very typical, especially Lucy. As the overly cautious mother who doesn’t trust the world she seems to fill the niche that is often seen in stories.

                This story does a pretty good job at developing; it starts at an orphanage and continues chronologically. The story ends with a lot of excitement.

                The story is well paced starting off somewhat slow but ending with a very fast and interesting turn that makes the piece worth reading.

The story could use just a little more imagery. The descriptions of setting are not quite enough to give me a sense of place for the story. We know it takes place in London but the only place that has really good imagery is the flat that Lucy lives in.

This story is very lacking in dialogue partly because there are so few characters. I think the story would do well to have a few more shown conversation.

The setting is mid 20^th century London and it fits the story perfectly. The post war sentiment is shown and the frightened widow believes the world is full of “wolves”.

The opening is a good context setting section for the story. We learn the characters and the location. 

Response to Holes full of Dirt

Response to Holes full of dirt

This story is about a young man who is in high school and wants to impress a girl Ashlyn who is over a year older than he is. Because she is older she usually gives him a ride home from school. One day she pulls up to his driveway  and upon finding the road full of holes she remarks about how she might not be able to give him rides if she can’t take her car on the road. The boy decides to try and fix the rode but ends up crashing his father’s truck but his father is not mad and the son reflects of the kindness of his father as the story ends.        

I enjoyed that the story was a coming of age tale and I think it captured that point in life very well. I also think the dialogue fit very smoothly. I think that Ashlyn needs to be brought back into the story before it ends and some more back-story on the father should be shown. Also there should be some more imagery as in setting description.

The point of view for this story was first person which I believe worked very well because you could get inside the head of the main character as he experienced these very thoughtful aspects of his high school life.

The main character is a kid is well developed because you can hear his inner thoughts but I think the dad and Ashlyn need to be developed even more than they are.

The story is developed very well and I am not left with any questions about what had happened.

The imagery could be increased for a better sense of place and to describe Ashlyn who is supposedly beautiful but is not described with enough imagery.

There is some really good dialogue in this piece. When Ashlyn is talking about what she is going to do during the weekend. You learn she is likes base ball and possibly a guy named drew and that she does not want the main character to join her

The opening starts the story well but the closing ends it a little abruptly.

Response to Deception

This story is about an elderly couple who seem to be going through some minor money problems. The wife starts to believe the husband is cheating on her and her suspicion are confirmed when she finds him in her room with the intent of killing her. The husband kills an intruder instead but not before the intruders shoots him, they both end up dying.

This story did a great job at building suspense and contained a lot of action which helped keep me interest while I was reading it. I also enjoyed the plot line. I thought it was really interesting and fun to read. I also like the last line “Thanks, my husband bought them for me”.

I think there should be more of a hint that there is marital trouble earlier in the story. The arguments seem a different caliber earlier in the story than would be if a man were to be willing to kill his wife. The husband seems to be a genuine man, so maybe show a bad streak he has always had before giving him the gun to kill his wife.

The point of view was third person and I believe it worked well for the story. I think that a first person point of view from the wife’s perspective could help increase the tension and feeling of excitement during the scene where someone broke into her house.

The characters are very interesting because there are not typical. The two main characters are old, grandparents, which makes an affair story interesting. I do wish that the husband’s character could be developed more, especially in the context of his cheating and almost murdering life.

The story line was easy to follow. I think the plot can stay as is the only problem with believability to me in the characters.

The pacing of the story works well. It starts out slow to give information and arcs into a very exciting finish.

The setting was well described at some points but not consistently. It would have been better to draw the reader in with setting description within the house and on the walk.

The closing was pretty funny and it did a good job at bringing the story back around and breaking up the seriousness that had just occurred.

Response to Off

This story was about a woman at a party. She was attempting to kiss a redhead a bond and a black haired man over the course of the night. The blond haired man she chooses happens to be an ex boyfriend which causes some emotional trouble for her. The woman is a rich heiress who does not have to work and she is an artist who donates her money to universities.  During the party the woman successfully kissed the redhead and her ex but could not accomplish the goal of kissing the black haired man. She ends up stealing everyone’s coats and hides in a closet in an attempt to lure the black haired guy to her.

                This story was interesting because the point of view seemed to follow the events in real time, the woman would describe things in present tense and that makes the reader feel like the events are occurring as you read them. The narrator’s voce is very personal and you have great insight into the main characters mind because you hear her thoughts. I think that works for the story because you can gather so much from the woman own thoughts about herself and everyone’s actions at the party.

                Another interesting thing that this story does is as the night goes on it feels like the narrator gets drunk. She starts to only give flashes of what is going on so you can tell that she is drunk , which is an interesting technique and it too allows you to get into the narrators mind.

                Overall the story was interesting and the characters complex. The main woman was a rich girl who got bored and wanted to play games with everyone. The ex boyfriends was a nice guy who allowed her to walk all over him.

Response to the Love of my life

               This story is about a young couple in high school and the early part of college. The two fall in love and spend most of their time together; the author describes their happiness for the first part of the story. The couple goes camping and has unprotected sex. The girl becomes pregnant but does not want anyone to know so they keep it a secret, they even have the baby in secret. They discard the unwanted baby in a dumpster and get caught by the police shortly after. Both kids have ivy league futures but that is now ruined and they face criminal charges and national humiliation.

                The story had a great tension and suspense; it brought the reader down to the level of the young lovers. By the end of the story you felt as though you were the one who had a ruined life. The author was able to do this with very little back and forth dialogue.  Most of the story was narration and description. The narration was very forceful and confident like the description of the young man being woken from his dream “ He was at the pinnacle of his dream, the river dressed in its currents , the deep hole under the cut bank, and fish like silver bullets swarming to his bait”. That line is also great because it alludes to the fact that he likes to camp and that is when the couple started the whole mess they now found themselves in. The story brings back in the element of camping and ideal living as their lives are being ruined.

                Another interesting part of this story is the title. The love of my life automatically makes the reader see something positive or sweet. The fact that the story is about a dumpster baby ends up catching you off guard. But you are slowly built up to that point and that is what causes the tension and suspense.

Response to Lessons

               This story was about a young man riding a train in Italy. He meets an elderly man who strikes up a conversation. The old man seems to want to talk with the young man and begins discuss life and the lessons he has learned over time. By the end of the story we find out the old man was a pick pocket and the young man had realized this in time and switched wallets with the old man surprising the readers with a level of awareness unknown throughout the first part of story.

                The story is told with a third person narrator and we as the readers a purposefully mislead in order to cultivate a surprise ending.

                The old man and young main character were the two most important players in the story. I believe the old man’s character was very interesting and could be built up more. The young man seemed to be more stereotypical because he was sharp, witty and always aware. The main character could be more interesting if we learned more about him and can see beyond the only really aspect described in the story, his confidence and capability.

                One of the best things this story has going for it is the development and pacing. The plot moves along at a speed that keeps the reader interested.

                The imagery in this story is at times very nice and interesting but also at time can be overdone slightly too much to where it distract from the action.

                The dialogue in the story flows nicely, especially knowing there might be a language barrier.

                The plot is organized chronologically as events play out. It is not confusing to follow what is happening and at the end there is a slight explanatory exposition to clarify what had been happening on the train.

                The setting is a moving train and I believe it could have been described slightly more. The subtle movements of the characters were sometimes over described and the setting was almost neglected. The setting was a great choice though.

                Both the opening and closing fit the story perfectly.

Response to New Coach

This story is about a cheer leader who just recently got a new coach. The new coach was very difficult to deal with because of his strict attitude. It starts to show that the coach goes beyond being strict he begins to act rude and insulting to the people on the squad. The narrator is practicing one day when she was too tired to complete the full she was supposed to when the coach forced her to attempt it anyway. As she tried the rick she landed poorly and hurt her knee. She needed to stay on the team but she was injured so the coach yelled her while she recovered. Before she recovered the coach tried to make her do another tumbling pass but the narrator was finally fed up and she left.

                This story was intended to show how passion can end up making people do things they don’t want to do.

                I think this story does a good job at getting into the head of the narrator. She also seems like a believable character.

                I would like to see a first person version of this story; I think it is the best way to get into the mind of the main character.

                I think the characters are all pretty important because there are so few of them. I also believe that the coach should be elaborated on as a character.

                I think the scene with the two cheerleaders talking about the coach could be left out, it does not really add to the story.

                The story never gets too dull. The pacing is balanced very well between exciting action parts and expository thoughts.

                I think this story has a lack of imagery and describing the scene in a more interesting manner could really add something for the reader.

                I thought most of the dialogue was natural except for the two cheer leaders speculating on their new coach. I thought the speech given by the coach felt very real.

                The setting was not described well enough I think. The gym should have been described in order to bring the readers in.

                The opening scene should have been shown to us instead of just explained through the main characters feelings. 

Response to mountain blood

This story is about a guy, Chad, whose girlfriend was attacked and then later died from her injuries. Chad works in the mountains at a camp and was planning on going on an adventurous night with his friend but he lost the ring that belonged to his deceased girlfriend and hat loss made him think about her and we learn that he has been suffering for a while. Chad’s friend ends up staying in and comforting him instead of going out to enjoy the night, the fact his friend stays with him ends up giving him much satisfaction.

                I thought this story did a really good job at evoking the intensity that I believe it was aiming for. The setting could have been described a little more but I really like the choice to have it in the mountains because it goes with the whole mood.

                I think the story should stay in first person, it makes the most sense in this kind of story.

                I would like to see more about the murderer and more of Julia. Chad’s girlfriend is so important to the story so I think we would benefit from learning a little more about her.

                The story is told in part by memories and in part by dialogue. Sometimes the information brought out by the dialogue can seemed forced. I think that the initial story of the girl being attacked and killed would be a better event to follow than her boyfriend thinking about her and losing her ring after the fact.

                The pacing of the story works very well. It starts of intense and balances back and forth for the whole length.

                The setting is in the mountains. I wish the setting would be elaborated on some because it has so much potential to add a lot to the story.

                The opening of the story puts you in the setting and shortly after drawls you in with the intense description of a crime scene.

                There is conflict in this story. The narrator has been trying to get over and move on after his girlfriend was murdered.