Response to "Spanish Moss"

This story is about three young kids about to go into high school. One of the kids expresses his concern that they don’t do adult things. Upon this revelation the three decide to try marijuana. Tommy, the self proclaimed leader buys a joint that they decide to share in the woods near a creek. The all walk to the creek and attempt to smoke. Only one of the three really gets high. They see a bag across the creek and decide to see if it has money in it. When they open it they find that it’s a child’s body. They never talk about the incident again.

I really enjoy the story’s youthful energy, almost like a stand by me coming of age tale. The story does a good job at capturing the insecurities of the kids.

The point of view is person and it works well because the whole story is one long recollection.

The characters are pretty basic, there is a wanna be leader and a nervous follower then the main character who we don’t know a whole lot about. I think the character should more developed a little more.

The development and pacing in the story is perfect. It never gets boring and unfolds very coherently.

The imagery is very nice in the story. It’s used to describe setting so maybe it could also be used more to describe action.

Dialogue in the story is believable.

The setting is rural south or at least in a neighborhood near a large chunk of woods in the south.

The opening closing are nice to read but by the time the story is done im not quite sure the change in the main character.

Response to "A Dream"

This story is about a stoner, Gabe, who quit or failed out of the Military academy and now studies creative writing at Colombia. The story covers two of his dreams and the day in between. Gabe seems to be struggling with confidence issues as well as weight, hygiene and sloth. He wants to have a real relationship but his only friends share just the minimal connection of formalities and weed. Much of the story is Gabe remembering pain about the past, particularly feeling remorse about an incident with a girl he claimed to have loved.

I really enjoyed the opening scene of the story. The dream sequence was surreal, frightening and did a great job at drawing me into the story. The voice of the narration was also very complex and coherent which made the story interesting throughout.

The point of view for this story is third person mixed with the thought of the main character from time to time. I think the perspective of this story worked very well.

The characters in this story seem boring but it also seems as thought that was the point. The main character, Gabe, has a lot of depth and history. Win does not have much going on and could probably be developed more.

The development and pacing of the story was clear and steady. The story never got too dull or ever outpaced itself.

The dialogue seemed natural but against to backdrop of the narration it seemed very out of place. The narration was poetic and dialogue was bluntly colloquial.

The setting could have had more imagery to support it. The imagery was mostly utilized in action and it did a great job and describing scene it just never really focused on setting.

Overall, the story was incredibly well written and very enjoyable.

Response to Aveux

This is a story about a man who is depressed because his wife committed suicide. All he had at the time was his daughter and his dog. His new girlfriend ended up committing suicide as well. He was even more depressed and was even charged with murder. Eventually the charges were dropped and he was released from jail but his life was still ruined because no one would hire him. Once out of jail he decided to write a book about finding faith even though he had not. He used his publicity from the trial to promote his book and it turned out to be very profitable. His daughter saw through the lie and lost respect for him. Finally after losing his daughters’ respect he decided to move to Paris, something his daughter had always wanted to do.

This story was told in first person and that was very important because for this kind of character it is good to be able to be inside their head.

The wife needs to be characterized better as does the daughter. The character we get the most out of other than the father is the girlfriend who kills herself.

The development of this story is mostly chronological but it also has a flashback and uses summary.  It gets confusing at points partly because of typos and other errors. It is such an interesting plot it just has parts that are not written very coherently.

The imagery is done well in this story. I wish it was used to describe all the setting though.

The dialogue needs work, it seems forced like it is trying to reveal more information than it should. The conversations are all good just the way they are said is inorganic.

I believe that a better since of setting is necessary.

I like the closing and I think the ending was great. I wish the story would have spent more time on the book writing portion but other than that it was a very interesting and enjoyable story.

Response to Dreams and Reality

This story is about a baseball player who wants to play for Mississippi State. He is from Minnesota and when he graduates high school he used his saving against his parents’ wishes and without there knowledge to fly down to Oxford to try out for the baseball team. He ended up feeling guilty and performed poorly so he flew home only to find that his parents had a change of heart and were willing to support him.

                The point of view for this story was third person and I believe it works. A first person take might have added a stronger since of lukes thoughts and it would have been interesting.

                The characters in this story should be more developed. Luke is the main character and the most developed but the father and the best friend should be more complex.

                The plot line is developed nicely but it is a little rushed and it would add to the story if it took place over a longer stint of time.

                The story should employ more imagery to describe setting. The setting changes to a different state and I would like to see that portrayed within the descriptions. That would add a lot to the believability of the story.

                The diologue in this story is brief but it gets to point across.

The events are assembled chronologically and that is the best method for this story. If it was not so rushed the story would seem to be organized much better.

The confusing part about the closing is that Luke already had blown his chance at playing for Mississippi State and was not good enough. SO when his dad bought him tickets to go back it was a little confusing.

Response to Whatever Gods May Be

This story is about a high school teacher and coach who decides to become a preacher. The new position meant that he would be paid less but he believed in his faith and decided the pious life would be a better choice for him. After a few weeks as a preacher he soon found that he was going to be a father. This new discovery caused him to utilize the bible as a parenting guide but what he found caused him to question his faith. After more searching he decided he could not believe in his religion any longer.

                I really enjoyed the narration of this story. It had a great balance of setting description and it shed enough light on the characters thoughts. It was written so well that parts that could have been very boring or dull ended up being easy to read and very coherent.

                The story was written in third person. I think it would have been interesting to see it in first person from the point of view of Thomas but the third person narration was done very well and I think it works just fine.

                The characters in the story were very well developed. I think the wife could have been a little more cultivated but even she was pretty well developed.

                The pacing of the story was at points pretty dull, at least in subject matter. The story itself is an interesting concept, a man who loses his faith. However, the events that took place and the speed in which they happened made it somewhat dull. The story was so well written though that it made up for its moments of dullness.

                The imagery in the story was well created and displayed. The description of people and setting really drew me into what was happening.

                The dialogue is organic, real and also not over used. It made the story have an almost detached feel but in a way that was fitting for the profound religious quandary the main character faced.

                The setting was small town America and it came across as intimate at first then isolating as the character began to question himself and that added a lot to the story.

Response for Casting Shadows

This story is about a young girl who dies in a fire and wakes up in the afterlife. She takes a while to realize she is dead and the people who inhabit the afterlife have to convince her. After she admits her death she is to be trained as a currier of souls and protector but she despises the fact that her destiny was chosen for her and that she could not life a normal life. She eventually finds out that the men who want her to be a soul currier and protector actually killed her in the fire because she had an unusually strong spirit. Upon learning this she runs away and has a showdown with her trainer and she ends up getting wounded and is left adrift on a “lake” in the forest they were fighting in.

What I enjoyed about this story was that it was exciting. So much happened that throughout reading it you were never bored. That being said a lot of the story seemed like genre fiction and bordered on corny and unoriginal several times.

The point of view for this story was first person and I think that that was a smart move. This point of view allows us to get into the head of a dazed spirit that is recently deceased and that is a pretty interesting subject matter to read about.

So much happens in the story but there is not enough time to really get to know the characters as this is happening. There are friendships forged and a betrayal occurring but it is hard to be drawn in when the timeline is so brief.

The development and pacing are rushed and almost confusing. This could be cleared up with making the story cover less of the events currently being described.

The dialogue in this story works and feels organic.

Imagery is utilized but even that seems to be of manga-ish genre conventions.

The setting works but is not described in a coherent enough manner. It seems so interesting but at the same time it is pretty confusing.