“Dreams” is a story about a girl who finds a boy sitting
down in a karate club after it had closed for the night. The girl, Hikari,
confronts the boy, Sora, and asks him why he is laying on the floor of the gym.
Sora proceeds to explain himself. He had been bullied and the leader of the
karate club had saved him and then agreed to teach him karate only after Sora
could defeat the leader himself. The catch 22 had caused Sora to be brutally
beaten every day and he was recovering from one of his beatings. The next
morning Sora returned and once again fought the leader.
I
really enjoyed the mystery in this story. The slow build in the first part of
the story added good and effective tension. The dialogue seemed natural and for the most part
believable within the context.
This story
is written with a third person narrator. The dialogue takes up much of the story
as well. I think the third person view works but it would also be interesting
to see this story from a first person perspective in order to get inside the
head of the characters.
The characters
in the story seem to be interesting but I would like to see a little more about
Hikari, not through exposition but with some other method.
This
story is told in one scene using dialogue to fill in the rest. This could work
fine but I would also like to see a little more movement with the scene to break
up the dialogue.
The
story could use more scene and character description. There is not enough imagery
within the narrator’s description or the dialogue.
The structure
is basic but works very well.
The
setting is understood to be a karate club of some sort but some detail on its appearance
would bring me inside the story more.
The
opening does allude to a back story with Hikari but not quite enough. The title
does not do the story justice and should be played with to be less generic.
The
closing works for the story logically but does not introduce any level of
change in the characters.
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