Response to Jeremy Hare's “Dreams”

“Dreams” is a story about a girl who finds a boy sitting down in a karate club after it had closed for the night. The girl, Hikari, confronts the boy, Sora, and asks him why he is laying on the floor of the gym. Sora proceeds to explain himself. He had been bullied and the leader of the karate club had saved him and then agreed to teach him karate only after Sora could defeat the leader himself. The catch 22 had caused Sora to be brutally beaten every day and he was recovering from one of his beatings. The next morning Sora returned and once again fought the leader.

                I really enjoyed the mystery in this story. The slow build in the first part of the story added good and effective tension.  The dialogue seemed natural and for the most part believable within the context.

                This story is written with a third person narrator. The dialogue takes up much of the story as well. I think the third person view works but it would also be interesting to see this story from a first person perspective in order to get inside the head of the characters.

                The characters in the story seem to be interesting but I would like to see a little more about Hikari, not through exposition but with some other method.

                This story is told in one scene using dialogue to fill in the rest. This could work fine but I would also like to see a little more movement with the scene to break up the dialogue.

                The story could use more scene and character description. There is not enough imagery within the narrator’s description or the dialogue.

                The structure is basic but works very well.

                The setting is understood to be a karate club of some sort but some detail on its appearance would bring me inside the story more.

                The opening does allude to a back story with Hikari but not quite enough. The title does not do the story justice and should be played with to be less generic.

                The closing works for the story logically but does not introduce any level of change in the characters.

Response to 1-900

1-900 is a story about John, a man who is in a failed marriage in the process of separation. He calls a 1- 900 number and keeps insisting that instead of talking about sex he and the operator first get to know each other to make it seem more realistic. She is resistant to the idea claiming in is unconventional and makes her feel uncomfortable. Finally she opens up slightly and after cannot perform her job in a convincing manner so she hangs up.

                This short story is almost completely dialog. That is interesting because using only a conversation you are able to learn so much about the characters and setting. The story does not have a typical arch, the timeline is actually just taken up by the phone conversation, and however, you are left feeling like something happened. The whole story is almost a character sketch of John.

              Another interesting part of this piece was when John kept telling the phone operator he loved her. It was a momentary role reversal where he was trying to provide her the illusion she wanted. This makes the reasons for calling the hot line even more confused. Throughout the story it is hard to find why John would have called in the first place. I think that information is left out on purpose and bounces back and forth from having him seem normal and functional to having him seem depressed and strange.

                Overall this short was very strange for me to read, I have never read anything like it. I did find the dialog worked very well and the premise may have added to the interest for the reader.

Response to Emergency

This story was about two drug using and abusing hospital staff members who spend time together under the influence of unknown pills stolen from the hospital they both work in. Also the story chronicles a misadventure of a road trip they take to a fair. The first part of the story is starts off with the narrator being sober. While sober he seems to depict Georgie as a crazy person. The initial story line is about a knife wound patient who is treated by the lowly and high Georgie.  This piece uses excellent prose and the dialogue flows very effectively.  

                I’m not sure why the author utilized light font to break up the work but the piece is broken up into parts using that technique. I thought that aspect of the organization accomplished very little.

                Throughout the peace the narrator talks about Georgie more than himself. Georgie is portrayed as somewhat of a burn out and we can derive from that the narrator is as well because he associates so closely with him.

                The way the author describes everything is so fascinating and keeps me interested as a reader. He talks about the pills tasting the way urine smells. That imagery is amazingly thought provoking and disgusting.  He also uses very strong verbs to describe various actions “The talk just dropped off a cliff” that line really makes you understand how quickly the conversation ended.  The whole story is full of unique lines like this.

                Later on in the story the author discusses the rabbit incident and after finishing the whole story he admits he might be remembering it wrong. That is so significant because it shows that to him recollection is not that important or at least the details aren’t. This could be derived from his drug use or maybe it is a philosophical axiom he holds on to. What are important, however, are the concepts derived from the memory. The insignificance of memory and time is again shown in this line “The bunnies weren’t a problem yet, or they’d already been a problem and were already forgotten, and there was nothing on my mind.” The time line and possibly even the truth are not held as the most important aspects of his memory which is very telling.

                One more concept I found interesting was about the snow covered flowers at the drive in movie. The author describes the scene using the snow which usually obscures things as a revealing agent which I found interesting.

The story was an fascinating “a day in the life” piece and I think the voice was unique and honest which helped keep it interesting and worthy of reading.

The Shiny Deity

 Let me preface all my thoughts by first saying I do not prescribe to the concept of God most people do. However, the idea that a god could create itself out of the fodder of the universe is a leap I am willing to make.

I was on the beach where I grew up, right next to where N.A.S.A launches its shuttles. It was a January night and I was feeling very spread thin so I decided to go by myself into the ocean. I believe that being cold is very important, it is a backdrop for the sensation of comfort after you warm up, and it also forces you to face the discomfort before. I jumped in and swam around the dark water for a while then got out and started walking. The cloud covered moon shined down as always for its small but captive audience who consisted of me, all the ghost crabs, feral cats and anything else that was out. I walked by the houses lining the dunes and from a distance could see the flashes of blue barely escaping the windows. I started thinking about all those gaped mouths and gazed eyes who actually thought they were on the receiving end of that transaction. They were busy with their distractions but If they knew I was out there they would have felt uneasy. Most people out as late as I was did not go out there just to explore a place where night still existed. But I was not hurting anyone, and of course neither were the people hiding behind the blue flashes. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s just about what is, the tendencies of the universe which have allowed a certain entity to snow ball its self assembly, using the fodder that surrounds it.   

  Being stuck in one town fulfilling my obligations to myself and parents by earning a college degree I too own a TV.  My TV is always waiting for me to sit down so it can watch me. I think the only reason it watches me is because I help it grow, it lures me in there by promising something shiny, if I bite then it slowly starts to siphon away my mind. I’m not entirely sure what it does with the parts it gets but I know that it usually takes a decent amount. I believe it uses the stolen brain real estate to feed itself. It sets up shop right in my head and I go out and interact with everyone else in a delicately composed orchestra in the aim to make it stronger. Everyone else is right there with me, helping me, we work together to feed the shiny deity.

Response to Television

My general impression of this story is that the narrator is someone who has resigned to the idea that the enjoyment of life is more real or at least more enjoyable when delivered from a distance to their television. At the same time however, it is acknowledged that the enjoyment brought from the television is simply a means of passing the time. “It is not what you want to be doing. It is that you are passing the time.” This leads me to believe that maybe the life style lead by the narrator or possibly life in the modern world as a whole is boring, or more accurately, it cannot keep pace with the easily digestible and exciting world of television.  One other function the television serves is that of a simplifier. The television goes beyond enjoyment and turns into a therapy for the narrator whose life is said to be very complicated at some points “it has by then become so complicated”. She claims that while comparing her life to a movie. She desires the T.V as a drug to escape to complexities of reality to another reality which is controlled by other people and creates a montage of the important aspects of stories. To her, actuality has too many complex and boring doldrums in between the action.

                The writing uses a voice that’s seems to be aimed at no one in particular. It would be hard for to guess who is being addressed and for what reason. It is almost like she is addressing herself for the point of self clarification. But at the same time it is written in a way that is enjoyable to read. The use of repetition keeps my mind going in circles around her point while she delivers it. “They say it will be exciting and it always is. They give us hints of what is to come and then it comes and it is exciting.” It seems plain but the repetitive simplicity adds a sense of sincerity to the story.

 I felt that the way each show being watched was described by plot instead of name was a great way to put the reader into the mind of the television viewer. I will be trying to utilize that level of detail as I write in the future.  In the story other descriptions transcend details and go for interesting imagery such as when the narrator describes herself in this way “I sit back like the mother with a sharp gave, my mouth full of gold”.

Overall the story was hitting on an aspect of life most people know in this modern world, the draw of television in contrast to the life of ninety nine percent of the people alive. The language was simple and repetitive but intentionally so. The level of description used in the story was adequate for bringing me into the mind of the narrator and feel the sense of monotony and tame excitement that was derived from the television on a clearly day to day bases.