Response to Untitled

Untitled is about Andy, a girl who has writers block but needs to finish a story to turn into her professor the following morning. She keeps procrastinating and ends up watching you tube videos and tv all night until two hours before class. Andy finally completes her story a few minutes before class and turns in a story about a girl who couldn’t think of anything to write a story about.

                The premise of the story is interesting when you take in account the context of its creation. It is pretty obvious that the story itself plays off the fact that it was written for a fiction class and even utilizes the authors name as part of the story.

                The point of view is third person and the narrator follows a character named Andy. There is the occasional thought that is understood to belong to the main character mixed in with the third person narration.      

                There are few characters in this story. I think that Andy could be developed farther because I only know that she is a procrastinator. The annoying roommate was developed very nicely.

The story is told with a mixture of summaries and scenes. The balance works well.

The story is dull at parts because it is hard to enjoy someone who has writers block as a character when nothing is happening. But there are also funny parts that make up for any dullness.

There could be more imagery used in untitled. Descriptions of the setting would add a lot to the story.  

The dialogue in the story seemed pretty natural but there is not a lot of it. The reason there is not to many conversations is that there are only two characters so in this case it works.

The story is organized chronologically and there is not confusion on the order of the events. The story builds tension and excitement until it is finally resolved.

The setting is Andy’s apartment and I think it being described more would add to the story.

The opening starts with a description of a blank page and the closing reveals the irony in a story written about what could easily be a real event.        

Response for Secret Park

This story is about three friends who decide to get fit. The narrator who is overweight is the one who really needs a change in lifestyle and his two friends are going to help get him into shape. The three friends have not seen each other often over the years so there workout routine doubles as a bonding experience.  They all run laps around the park until the main character starts to get dizzy. Then one of his friends turns out to have had a reaction of sort and is in shock.

                I enjoyed the premise of this story, old friends trying to improve the narrator’s health by starting a new work out plan in a park they used to play in as kids.            

The narrator for this story is also the main character and I think that works well for this story. The narration keeps it personal.

                There are three characters, the narrator, Sean and James. Sean and James both seem the same and could use some differentiating. The main character is well developed and interesting.

                The story is told in both scenes and summary.  And the most confusing part is the end and could use some explaining to make it clear.

                The pacing of the story is well done. The scenes unfold slowly at first but it’s never too dull. The tension builds throughout the story and the workout and then ends with a catastrophe.

                The dialogue is pretty natural and is implanted often enough to help move the story along.

                The setting is a park but there is a forced importance placed on it. The first part of the story is all about the park. The real story is about the friends and the workout so the park has too much story time and title space.

Response to Once in a Lifetime

This story is about a young girl who belongs to an Indian immigrant family that has achieved the American dream of financial security by moving to Massachusetts. Before moving back to Calcutta there was another Indian family , the Choudurris , living near them. The Choudurris were close family friends after they helped the narrator’s family settle in the United States. The Choudirris left back for India eight years before the story starts and after those eight years the family decides to return to Massachusetts and asks the narrator’s family if they can stay with them until they find their own place. The rest of te story deals with the main character adjusting to a new family invading her house.

                The most impressive part of this story to me was how solid and coherent the author’s control of so many characters was throughout. The story was fairly short yet you have a good since of a world that they all share and not only the immediate characters, two huge cultures of the United States and India.

                The point of view was from the young daughter of the immigrant family and was directed towards the son of the Choudurris family. I think this perspective was fairly interesting and is one you do not see too often.

                The characters are the strongest part of this story. The Indean families are interesting because of their success and refusal to give up their old cultures. No character needs to be flushed out and I don’t think any need more information.

                The story is mostly told in summary and I think some more scenes would be nice for the reader because it gets boring.

                He story’s pacing is slow and steady. The subject matter itself can sometimes be dull but not due to the pacing.

The dialogue was n pretty limited and it would be nice to see more.

The setting is another great aspect of this story, the house in Massachusetts. After it has been described the reader can real feel the tug of war going on between India and United States for the identity of the family.

Response to Meow

This story is about Cyril, a mentally handicapped kid whose only friends are his father, a store owner and a cat. Cyril starts off the story by reading a private journal of one of his neighbors. He gets caught and kicked out of his neighbor’s property. After getting in trouble he goes to Captain D’s for some food. He is friends with the owner, Earl. Cyril and Earl go out back to eat some fish and find Jimmy-cat, a cat Cyril befriended on the streets. The boy finishes his meal and sets of to find the cat so he can feed it. He finally finds the cat back by the Dumpster but is confused by what he sees. It turns out that Jimmy-cat is a girl and had kittens and Cyril and Earl stand around the can and laugh with joy and that’s how it ends.

                I really enjoyed the point of view and voice of this story. Cyril was an interesting character to follow especially being inside his head as much as you are while reading “meow”. Using a mentally handicapped main character was an interesting choice for the story but I think it worked well.

                The first person perspective for this story works really well because the characters mind is so interesting in its limited capacity. The voice seemed believable as well.

                The main character was well developed but he is the only character I have a good feel for. The dad especially should be improved upon. We know nothing about the father except that he no longer has a wife for some reason. Also the owner of the Captain D’s Earl, we know very little about him as well.

                The development of the story was very solid. It starts with an interesting scene with good tension and excitement then it transitions to an exposition to explain the main character. The story has a good balance.

                The dialogue is well done on this story. It is not over used but it is also well placed to add tension for the characters like in the beginning with the girl and at the end with the discovery of the kittens.

                The story opens with excitement and ends with excitements and joy which is appropriate given the nature of the story.

Response to Laurel Kostakis

This story is about a disillusioned young girl who believes she is more popular than the really is. The story is mostly a character sketch about the girl. We learn that she has abandoned her old friends and studious behavior after starting college. Once in college the girl began viewing herself as overly pretty and well loved by everyone. The reality was that everyone for the most part disliked her. The girl changes herself perception after being led on and lied to about a male neighbor joining her for dinner. She calls up her old best friend and starts back towards being her old self.

                I enjoyed the comedic aspect of this story. The writer did a really good job at clueing in the reader to things the main character was oblivious to which kept the story funny throughout.

                The point of view was third person fallowing a main character who was clueless. This was a good choice for the story especially because we were clued in on the main characters thoughts by the little thought bubbles that were frequently given to us.

                This story had good characterization for its main characters. The reader could learn a lot about the main character just by her reactions to the people around her and her observations. The story never straight up told us she was disliked but it was easy to earn that information as the reader. The only problem is the main character is not very likeable.

                The story’s development was slow and steady, adding more and more pressure to the disillusioned girl until she finally broke down and decided to change.

                The pacing of the story was well done because it starts with enough action to keep you interested and then goes through a lot of background exposition that added to the character then back to more action.

                This story lacks imagery and I think the story would be greatly improved if the setting was described in a more poetic manner.

                The dialogue in this story is fairly limited but that works for this story. This story is all about being stuck inside the main characters head so the dialogue is less necessary. The main characters reaction to things is what really makes this story work.

                The story opens with action and ends with a slightly abrupt change of the character. The change is important and it could work well as long as it doesn’t come so abruptly. But other than that it was a fun story.

Response to Rhamah Norris

This story is about a cat pound and one worker who came to nearly resent the place for its smells and tedious required chores. At the pound there is a cat name Lily that had always been a good, well trained and acclimated to house life. The only problem with Lily is that she was missing an eye. A family walks through the pound and is clearly disgusted but eventually a young boy agrees that Lily is perfect. The cat then scratches the boy and he changes his mind.

I really enjoy the narrator’s voice in this story. It is relaxed and relatable allowing the reader to get drawn in to the story. The narrator is the type of person that is always making observations about the world, almost like she is people watching.

                The point of view is first person from the main character whose works at the animal shelter. This perspective definitely adds to the story because it is more personable.

                I enjoyed the characters in this story, especially the cat lady. She is a stereotype but that cliché works well for some reason because I have personally known cat ladies. The fact that she is referred to as the cat lady is a very comedic aspect of the story. The little boy in the end of the story could use some more characterization.

                The development of the story was a little weak, there was not much of a plot and the action seemed to mean very little to the story. I would suggest having more meaningful events occur during the span of the story.

                The pacing was well done but like a said the events were a little weak. The change in the end never really occurred for the main character and I was left wondering what the story had really been about.

                The imagery in this story was great. Describing the bags as “belching out “when they were thrown to the floor was a perfect image.

                Dialogue in this story was fairly limited but was natural and felt real.

                The structure was well put together but again more needs to happen in the story in order to make it feel more like a story.

                The opening was a good start for this story but the closing never brought around change or any conclusions 

Response to Incarnations of Burned Children

This story is about a man who hears a scream and runs into his kitchen to find that his baby has been burned by boiling hot water somehow spilt on the baby. The mother is screaming in shock when the father goes to work trying to save their child. After sometime the baby still seemed to be hysterical and the parents couldn’t see why, until they realized the diaper was holding a pool of hot water, by then the damage was too complete. The father seems to have anger brewing towards the mother that is never shown but it implied that after the incident he confronts the woman about her carelessness.

                I really enjoyed that the story was so enthralling. The story really utilized tension and made me want to keep reading. I think the pacing was perfect, you start reading and for three pages the action and exposition are balanced so you can be in the story and still know some extra information like how the father will later voice his angry thoughts after a few hours.

                The point of view is third person. I think the third person view that follows the father is interesting. It could have been first person and the story would still work but the third person perspective makes it have a certain disconnected feel that is extremely unique.

                There is no dialogue In this story and that makes it difficult to have the characterization understood by the reader. You can gather that parents care about the child but still somehow let this accident happen. Neither one of were able to realize the diaper was full hot water. This story does not really need characterization, the facelessness of the characters works.

                The story has great pacing and is action filled for the entire three pages.

                The imagery is one of the aspects that make this story so great. The description of scene is was creates such a strong attention grabbing story. Specifically the descriptions of the baby cause the reader to feel drawn into the story.

                

Response to Animals

               This story is about a young man who falls for a girl. The main character is a man who thinks he is dangerous because he robs department stores and the story describes one incident where he steals a jacket from a store in Italy. The girls he falls for is an innocent girl and he is attracted to her purity. He first believes he is attracted the instinctual essence of the girl that he compares to his own bust as the story comes to a close and she becomes “bad” he realizes without her purity he no longer feels the same attraction. The main character turns good” for a while in the story, he stops drinking and smoking. But after some time the main characters sister dies so he falls back into his old habits. The girl then stole a pair of earrings signifying her change into a bad girl.

                I liked the main characters voice. I thought it was really honest and enthusiastic about everything that had been happening. I also enjoyed the language and phrasing.

                The point of view was first person from the main character and it was a very informal relaxed prose voice.

                There were two main characters, the boy and girl. I think the boy gets enough coverage because he is the narrator but not a whole lot is known about the girl. I would like to see some background about Jenny. I would also like to see some more background on the family of the main character.

                The story develops slowly because most of the story is just thought and flashback. I think if there were more of an actual chronological story line added into what already is there it would be more enjoyable to the reader.

                There is some really nice language in this story but as a reader I wish there were more descriptions of place.

                 There was not a lot of dialogue in the story and I think it would be a good Idea to add some.

                The setting bounces around but with a few more sentences devoted to description of  place it could be clarified.

                The opening sets the stage for who the main character is by describing what he does and the closing hints at a change now that the purity in Jenny is gone.

Response to “Losing Sincerity”

Losing sincerity is a story about a young man who was recently promoted to a managerial position at a venue. As well as his new responsibilities h also has a new girlfriend who works under him. A sorority function was booked at the venue and most of the story is about the main character attempting to handle the hordes of people dressed in a Woodstock theme. After ungrateful employees complain and the party gets out of hand the main character is forced to shut the party down.

                I enjoyed the fact that this story’s main character had such a strong voice. I also thought it was a good attempt at tension having a girl friend who works for him.

                The point of view is first person and I think it works very well in this story because of the stressful nature of the story it’s nice to be inside the main character’s head.

                The main character has an interesting voice but we don’t know much about him. All the other characters could use some work as well, most of them seem pretty one dimensional and almost clichéd.

                The development of the story is fairly solid. There are not really any confusing parts that need clarifying but I think some more time spent on the early and middle stages of the actually party would help the story to not seem quite as rushed.

                The story is not dull or slow it just has points where the action is all within the narrator’s head and I think it works well for this kind of story.

                The imagery in this story is sometimes really nice it just is not consistent throughout the entire time.

                The dialogue is necessary for this story but because some of the characters seem a little one dimensional the dialogue sometimes feels forced.

                The structure of this story is chronological and at no point is it confusing or hard to understand.

                The setting is a venue most likely in a college town. The venue itself could use more description

                The opening was a good use of exposition to set the back drop of the story. The closing finished up the plot and resolved the girlfriend issues but there was no significant change in the main character.

Response to “For the Love of the Game”

This is a story about a girl who grew up without her father. Her father is a famous baseball player who chose a career over being a dad to his daughter. The story starts off with a description of the player, Joel Jones. Then it shows the daughter watching an old vhc recording of her dad as a college player back at MSU. The main character gets the idea to go see her father but because her mother does not want her to the daughter sneaks to a game. As it turns out the mother knew this was happening and called ahead and the father never smoke to the daughter. Instead he left a note saying he looked forward to meeting her and her mother together.

                I like the story’s plot it is intriguing. At first upon reading the title you think it might be another sappy sports story but because it turns out not to be I really enjoyed it.

                The point of view is first person which I think is the only way to do this story because of its personal nature.

                The characters I thought were pretty well thought out. The main character did not resent her father but just had a strong interest to meet him and I think that makes her different to how most people would react to not having a father.

                The development of the story is chronological with a semi flash back to a base ball game, although in reality it’s just the main character watching a video. I really like the move of having the daughter watching the tape.

                The story is not slow and has a good balance of action and exposition.

                The imagery is great in some scenes, like referring to the baseball as old and bruised

                The structure was pretty straightforward and chronological.

                The setting was Chicago and it changes from a house to a stadium.

                The opening provides the vital backdrop for understanding to relationship between the daughter and father and just how important meeting is to her.

                The closing has an implied change derived from the too meeting in the near future.